The Solstice is today at 10:27 EST. As a Wiccan or member of another non-Christian faith what do you do when everyone around you says “Merry Christmas!” Let me start with a short explanation of my experiences with my family. I grew up in a Christian household with strict values and a strong belief in a judgmental God. My neighborhood had at least some diversity, and in the schools that diversity was celebrated. In school we learned songs about this time of year, half Christian and half Jewish. About half the neighborhood was Jewish and about half was Christian. My parents allowed me to celebrate a few times with my Jewish friends like going to temple and a having a ritual Passover dinner. I am grateful for that and to experience a world beyond Christianity.
I have an Aunt in her 90’s who still sends me Christmas cards all about Christ’s love for believers (gag!), but I’m glad that she thinks of me. If we can get beyond Christianity, I really like her as a person. At my dad’s celebration of life service, I was tasked with reading eulogies from my three Aunts as well as my own. Two of my Aunts wrote how Dad was in a better place and was with the Lord. (Gag!) But my Aunt who I like as a person wrote about a treasured mug that Dad gifted her with and how he looked after her. Now that was real and love. Dealing with family and friends this time of year can be challenging. I get it.
What to do?
1. Be as authentic as you can. Evaluate each relationship and decide if it’s feasible to let the person in on your beliefs. For some people, that may be a yes. For others, it is a no. I have had to make that decision. With some of my relationships, especially some relatives I choose not to tell them I am Wiccan. It’s best to keep the peace and some relationships that I value. Coworkers, bosses and family are hard to choose and hard to lose. In my life I have found that some of these people are cool with what I believe. Others I do not think that even testing the waters is a good idea. For other people in my life it is a yes. It is very freeing to be authentic with people I choose to tell that I am Wiccan. Some are family, and many are friends. I have chosen and belong to a Unitarian Universalist congregation, and I made friends there. Before becoming a member I checked out this place carefully to see if it aligned with my values before making a decision. Yesterday, we hosted a Solstice celebration there.
2. Be careful with social media! Remember that once it is out there, it is out there, and there is no undoing it. A simple word of caution.
3. If you are invited to a holiday dinner, have an Earth centered blessing that you can read or recite before the meal. In my experience that was meaningful and has been well received.
4. I have found Pagan groups on Meet Up and even one on Facebook that I value. A word about Facebook: Yes, there are many groups out there. My suggestion is that you vet them carefully to see that they align with your values. One good thing that came out of the pandemic is Zoom which has brought so many people around the world a little closer together. I have found groups this way with which I connect from afar.
5. Greetings are one thing that I unapologetically do not make compromises. I realize that many different people of different faiths celebrate this time of year. I like using “Happy Holidays!” When looking for greeting cards, I use the search term holiday cards. For solstice cards that have specific greetings for the Solstice, I have found that kind of cards on Amazon and Etsy.
6. I make the wisest choices I can about how to spend my time and with whom to spend it. With friends and family involved there may be some difficult choices to make. I try to make choices that work out best for all involved.
7. Make time to breathe and enjoy the season. Schedule events wisely in this very rushed and hurried season so there is time to relax and enjoy. I was talking to a Jewish friend of mine about what she was going to do on Christmas Day now that Hanukkah is over. She is going to order out for Chinese food and go to the movies. That sounds like time spent well spent decompressing.
8. Enjoy the people with whom you choose to spend time as much as possible. Maybe be a little more flexible than usual. Remember that this, too shall pass. Value friends and family while you can. Eventually, they will die. Both my parents are gone, and I hope I valued them as much as possible while I could.
In a nutshell, these are some strategies on how to cope with some of the stressors of the holiday season as a Pagan or Wiccan.
Have a happy and meaningful Yule!
Auburn Greene
My Inner Wiccan 